Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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