sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
