last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
