My liver just broke up with me...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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