Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
