In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
