I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
