What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
