I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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