my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
