Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
