my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
