if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
