When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
