just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
