yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
