3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
