Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize