I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
