kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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