So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
