i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Found your dick twin last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
