Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize