Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
