dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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