I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
