chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
