come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
