problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
