I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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