Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
