this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
