Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
