let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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