guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the condom got lost in my hair
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
