Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
