My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
