I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
