i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
