I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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