I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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