I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
