My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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