I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
