YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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