I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize