I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
