You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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