brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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