We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
