If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
