I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
