He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
