Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
