i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize