Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
