remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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