No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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