i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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