we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
