TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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