separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
