I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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