I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
