Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Acid is not a monday night drug
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize