dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
