There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am one with the molecules
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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