i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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