problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
