my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
