he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
