your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
