You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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