Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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