So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
