he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
