Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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